parents have a natural longing for their children to have better lives and opportunities than they did themselves. to not make the same mistakes. But what about us without children? Do we just long for the things we may never have for ourselves? Do we just keep running the maze of mistakes?

i think we just made love for the very last time. i suppose its one more time than we were ever supposed to. and this time with a wall between us. too dirty. too damaged. too hard. too much. if love leaves scars than i barely have a patch of smooth skin left on my body. after all of these years, i suppose im too familiar to be a fantasy anymore. and laying beside you should never feel so lonely. but tonight, for the first time, it does.

there will always be more attractive. more funny. more healthy. more wealthy. more simple. more safe. but they will never be me. and they will never be you. and they will never be more perfect. and thats the part that really kills me.

i was told to be as honest in these diary entries as possible. no matter how much it hurt. well, heres the first step, its a long drop so dont look down.